I've never known true love. Reciprocated love. All I've known in my 28 years is Unrequited Love.
I did have one man tell me he loved me 3 years ago...but I found out he cheated on me the entire time we dated. So I don't count that as love. It was a short romance, and I'm glad we went our separate ways.
I don't know why I like to chase after men. I guess I like the challenge. But men are supposed to be the ones pursuing women! I shouldn't have to be buying a guy presents or a MOTORCYCLE to prove to him my feelings. I'm just thinking about all these past 4 years that I prayed that God would open this man's eyes and reveal to him that we would be great together. What a waste!
I'm so glad God has opened my eyes and let me see that love is not love, unless it is reciprocated! I loved in vain...and unrequited love is a bitch. Pure hell. Knowing you care for and love that one person...and they only see you as a friend.
But I am turning over a new leaf. This time I'm letting love find me. I finally got off all those stupid online dating sites....8 years was enough! I don't even want to meet a man online. I want to have a good story to tell the grandkids!
I am realizing that you can't always get what you want...in love or life. But God has a plan for my life...including who I will marry. I'm not going to be that desperate girl anymore constantly seeking love and affection. I've lived alone now for over 5 years....and sure I get lonely at times. But I'd rather be single and lonely than married and miserable.
I see so many of my friends get married, and then find out their spouse was a cheater or a physical or emotional abuser. I used to hate being single. But I've become content with my single status. My parents have been married 46 years, and although they don't have a perfect marriage...they put God first and are committed to each other.
I think some girls have a timeline on when they want to get married and have kids. But that's stupid. Why not just live your life to the fullest and then when you least expect it...that special someone will come into your life and will fit like a missing puzzle piece.
I think it's exciting to know that I could meet my future husband tomorrow...or maybe 5 years from now. I don't know...but God does.
I'm over the "friend zone." I deserve more than that. And if a guy hasn't realized in 4 years that I'm someone special...then he can get lost. I don't need friends like that. I'm not going to continue to hang out with a guy...when I have developed feelings for him...but he doesn't have any feelings for me beyond friendship!
I can't believe I have been holding on to this guy, praying that one day he might see me in a different light. I've wasted years, tears, and MONEY!
I am moving on. I've dated men who like big women. And if I want to lose weight, I will do it...but I'm sure as hell not going to lose weight for a man to date me!
So this blog is just to let some people know that yes, I once was that girl stuck in the friend zone wishing for more. But sometimes in life, you have to cut your losses and move on!
Here's to finding a good man who will love me for ME! And not be shallow and superficial and only want to date perfect Christian Barbie Dolls!
I feel empowered! I've passed up good men who actually want to date me...because I was holding on to some Momma's Boy!
I am just going to keep performing my stand up every chance I get and not worry about finding a man! This time I'm letting LOVE FIND ME!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Is There A Soulmate For Everyone?
Contemplating life...and love tonight. Just wondering if there is a "soulmate" for everyone that we will eventually meet? Or is it that God places different people in out life that have the potential to be our soulmate..and we chose? Do you think God plans who you will marry at the beginning of your life...or even before you born...did he know? Or is us that does the picking...the choosing...of who we set our heart on and love?
Those are just a few of my questions. I'd like some good advice so feel free to comment. I am a hopeless romantic and definitely believe in soulmates. I think it's serendipitous. I want a love that comes out of nowhere. That is enchanting. That when I meet Mr. Right, I will just know God sent him to me and he is The One. Oh, but what can only hope.
But I digress...
I thought I had found The One at one point in time. I would listen to sappy love songs and daydream about the wedding in my future. Yeah, corny I know. I would write poems never giving them to the said person. I would pray that God would place a desire in his heart for me to be his wife. But alas, it never happened. And I moved on.
The viscous cycle goes on though. I meet someone...I really like them...I have my heart set on them...but they either don't like me or meet someone else. Why is that the guys who I like, don't like me? But the guys that like me, I don't like? That is the million dollar question.
Do I want what I can't have? Do I like the thought of winning someone over? I think I might. That is not good. Men like to chase. They want to be the one to pursue you. But looking back at my life...I've pursued the men...like their a mouse and I'm the cat that POUNCES on them when they least expect it. And scare them away...
Money spent on men...much more than money men have spent on me. Concert tickets, stuffed animals, A FREAKING MOTORCYCLE! Are you joking me? If I have learned one thing in my almost 29 years...it's that you can't buy love. Not even with a brand new Kawasaki Ninja 650R. But it's not just me that's crazy and tries to buy love. I see others do it too. I'm glad I'm not the only one...but Sheesh! You'd think I would learn something and not repeat this viscous cycle...but I do!
I was thinking the other day...I want to be a clinical psychologist and give advice. But I see my own psychologist and get relationship advice! I can't figure out why I'm still single when I have a burning desire to be with someone?!?!
So maybe I should just focus on comedy...and not even desire to be a shrink. It just doesn't make sense to want to give out relationship advice and help fix people...when I can't even figure out myself.
But I digress...
There are alot of things I know and need to change. I think God molds you into the person He wants you to be. He wants you to be your best. And right now...that's not me. I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day at times....I eat ungodly amounts of food...and I don't exercise. Maybe God is just shaping me into the woman He wants me to become...then when he is done molding and shaping me...He will put The One in my life. Hmm....
Then again maybe I'm just unlucky in love. Maybe I'm one of those people that's called to be single. But how can that be when I have such a yearning to be in a relationship? Doesn't The Bible say that God will give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in him? I think so....
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4. What does that mean, you ask? When you pursue the will of God and submit to what He wants you to do, the results will far surpass anything you could imagine for your life. Not only will He put His desires for your life in your heart, He will fulfill them!
So I'm trying to pursue His will for my life? I'm trying to submit to what He wants me to do? But why isn't he fulfilling my desires?
At times I question my faith. Not that God is real. I know that He is. Not that I'm going to heaven. I know that I am. I just question the fact that God is supposed to send me a guy and place him in my life...and I know I'm supposed to wait on His timing...and his timing is perfect...blah, blah, blah....But what on earth is a girl supposed to do in the meantime? Just go years and years without intimacy? Not sex...I can go without that if I have to. I'm talking about spiritual and emotional intimacy with a man!!! Companionship!
That's not found in a one night stand. And yes...I'm not ashamed to admit I've had one. Am I proud of it? No. But hormones take over at times...and it happens to many. Would I prefer casual sex or a committed, monogamous relationship? Well, me being a hopeless romantic...I think you already know the answer to that.
I want someone that I know is mine for the rest of our life here on earth. I want to have someone to buy little cards for when it's just a normal day. I want someone to come home to. To cook for. To care for. To please...
I want someone that encourages me and me them. I want someone by my side in the tough times...when life gets hard. I want someone that I can take off on the back of a motorcycle on a spontaneous trip!
But I digress...
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Doesn't that meen that God has a plan for my life...and that includes a spouse! Maybe I'm taking it out of context...but it says PLANS...plural! So wouldn't that mean plans for what job I'll take, where I'll live, and who I marry?
I used to love reading books about how people met their spouses? "When God Winks On Love" by Squire Rushnell was the best book I ever read. That one and "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Best books ever. I would daydream in between reading that God was going to write me an awesome, serendipitous love story and me and my husband would one day write a book telling our story of how we met and blah, blah, blah.
I've always wanted to write a book. I don't really know about what though.
But I digress...
I guess some questions are never answered until we meet our Maker that one fine day. I guess sometimes the older you get, the more you will understand things...so I'm praying that I get older and wiser. I pray for my future husband...wherever he may be...and I encourage everyone to do the same. This is what I pray...
"Lord you created me. And I believe you created me for marriage. I don’t know the timeline, but I’m asking you to fulfill my desire to be married.
Thank you Lord for this strong desire you’ve placed in my heart. Thank you that you’ve already been where I’m headed and that you know what my future holds. Thank you for marriage and for my future mate. Please be with him and prepare His heart to do your will."
I didn't write that. I think I found it in a book I read. Not really sure. But I love it. It gives me hope. It's like you are already declaring that you are going to get married. You just have to have faith that God will answer your prayer...being it you get what you want or get what God wants you to have.
Well I will wrap this up. Just wanted everyone's opinion on soulmates...and I kind of took off rambling.
I do have a hope for my future. I know God has plan for me...including a Godly man.
I just wish His timing would match mine. But I know it is best to wait on His timing and who He wants for me.
I will end with an inspirational song for the ones wanting to be loved. (It's rather corny, but I like it, so get over it.)
Leave me some comments!
Much Obliged,
Bethie
Those are just a few of my questions. I'd like some good advice so feel free to comment. I am a hopeless romantic and definitely believe in soulmates. I think it's serendipitous. I want a love that comes out of nowhere. That is enchanting. That when I meet Mr. Right, I will just know God sent him to me and he is The One. Oh, but what can only hope.
But I digress...
I thought I had found The One at one point in time. I would listen to sappy love songs and daydream about the wedding in my future. Yeah, corny I know. I would write poems never giving them to the said person. I would pray that God would place a desire in his heart for me to be his wife. But alas, it never happened. And I moved on.
The viscous cycle goes on though. I meet someone...I really like them...I have my heart set on them...but they either don't like me or meet someone else. Why is that the guys who I like, don't like me? But the guys that like me, I don't like? That is the million dollar question.
Do I want what I can't have? Do I like the thought of winning someone over? I think I might. That is not good. Men like to chase. They want to be the one to pursue you. But looking back at my life...I've pursued the men...like their a mouse and I'm the cat that POUNCES on them when they least expect it. And scare them away...
Money spent on men...much more than money men have spent on me. Concert tickets, stuffed animals, A FREAKING MOTORCYCLE! Are you joking me? If I have learned one thing in my almost 29 years...it's that you can't buy love. Not even with a brand new Kawasaki Ninja 650R. But it's not just me that's crazy and tries to buy love. I see others do it too. I'm glad I'm not the only one...but Sheesh! You'd think I would learn something and not repeat this viscous cycle...but I do!
I was thinking the other day...I want to be a clinical psychologist and give advice. But I see my own psychologist and get relationship advice! I can't figure out why I'm still single when I have a burning desire to be with someone?!?!
So maybe I should just focus on comedy...and not even desire to be a shrink. It just doesn't make sense to want to give out relationship advice and help fix people...when I can't even figure out myself.
But I digress...
There are alot of things I know and need to change. I think God molds you into the person He wants you to be. He wants you to be your best. And right now...that's not me. I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day at times....I eat ungodly amounts of food...and I don't exercise. Maybe God is just shaping me into the woman He wants me to become...then when he is done molding and shaping me...He will put The One in my life. Hmm....
Then again maybe I'm just unlucky in love. Maybe I'm one of those people that's called to be single. But how can that be when I have such a yearning to be in a relationship? Doesn't The Bible say that God will give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in him? I think so....
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4. What does that mean, you ask? When you pursue the will of God and submit to what He wants you to do, the results will far surpass anything you could imagine for your life. Not only will He put His desires for your life in your heart, He will fulfill them!
So I'm trying to pursue His will for my life? I'm trying to submit to what He wants me to do? But why isn't he fulfilling my desires?
At times I question my faith. Not that God is real. I know that He is. Not that I'm going to heaven. I know that I am. I just question the fact that God is supposed to send me a guy and place him in my life...and I know I'm supposed to wait on His timing...and his timing is perfect...blah, blah, blah....But what on earth is a girl supposed to do in the meantime? Just go years and years without intimacy? Not sex...I can go without that if I have to. I'm talking about spiritual and emotional intimacy with a man!!! Companionship!
That's not found in a one night stand. And yes...I'm not ashamed to admit I've had one. Am I proud of it? No. But hormones take over at times...and it happens to many. Would I prefer casual sex or a committed, monogamous relationship? Well, me being a hopeless romantic...I think you already know the answer to that.
I want someone that I know is mine for the rest of our life here on earth. I want to have someone to buy little cards for when it's just a normal day. I want someone to come home to. To cook for. To care for. To please...
I want someone that encourages me and me them. I want someone by my side in the tough times...when life gets hard. I want someone that I can take off on the back of a motorcycle on a spontaneous trip!
But I digress...
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Doesn't that meen that God has a plan for my life...and that includes a spouse! Maybe I'm taking it out of context...but it says PLANS...plural! So wouldn't that mean plans for what job I'll take, where I'll live, and who I marry?
I used to love reading books about how people met their spouses? "When God Winks On Love" by Squire Rushnell was the best book I ever read. That one and "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Best books ever. I would daydream in between reading that God was going to write me an awesome, serendipitous love story and me and my husband would one day write a book telling our story of how we met and blah, blah, blah.
I've always wanted to write a book. I don't really know about what though.
But I digress...
I guess some questions are never answered until we meet our Maker that one fine day. I guess sometimes the older you get, the more you will understand things...so I'm praying that I get older and wiser. I pray for my future husband...wherever he may be...and I encourage everyone to do the same. This is what I pray...
"Lord you created me. And I believe you created me for marriage. I don’t know the timeline, but I’m asking you to fulfill my desire to be married.
Thank you Lord for this strong desire you’ve placed in my heart. Thank you that you’ve already been where I’m headed and that you know what my future holds. Thank you for marriage and for my future mate. Please be with him and prepare His heart to do your will."
I didn't write that. I think I found it in a book I read. Not really sure. But I love it. It gives me hope. It's like you are already declaring that you are going to get married. You just have to have faith that God will answer your prayer...being it you get what you want or get what God wants you to have.
Well I will wrap this up. Just wanted everyone's opinion on soulmates...and I kind of took off rambling.
I do have a hope for my future. I know God has plan for me...including a Godly man.
I just wish His timing would match mine. But I know it is best to wait on His timing and who He wants for me.
I will end with an inspirational song for the ones wanting to be loved. (It's rather corny, but I like it, so get over it.)
Leave me some comments!
Much Obliged,
Bethie
Monday, July 26, 2010
No More Online Dating for Bethie
So I just deleted all of my online dating profiles. Yup....all four of them on different sites. I'm so over it. I started doing Match.com when I was 21. Then eHarmony. Then Christian Mingle. Then Plenty of Fish. It's been a fun seven years...but obviously I should have found someone worthwhile in seven years. So I don't think it's for me.
My sister met her husband on eHarmony within a month! I used to be jealous of that, but who really wants to meet someone online. Yeah, sure, you pay $59 on eHarmony and they send you matches. I'm sure some people really are compatible and that's good for them. But I want a story. Yes, I'm fascinated by stories of finding love. I have tons of books on just stories of people finding their mate. So do I really want a story like, "yeah, I just signed up for this online dating site....and logged in one day and there he was." Um no. That's stupid. Sorry, sis. I'm glad you found your soulmate, but that's not how I want to find mine.
I read a great book entitled "When God Winks on Love" and there were some amazing love stories in that book. So I'm not saying you can't find love online. Many people do. But it's not for me. I'm so over it. Sure, it's nice to meet new men and go to dinner and find out about them. But what if I rely on God to place that special someone in my path??? I think it will be interesting to see who He brings into my life. Or who knows....maybe God has already placed him in my life.....
I don't know what's in store for my life, but I do know that God has a plan. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. And if you're sick of trying to find that Mr. or Ms. Right....then just Let Go and Let God. I love that saying. But it's true. I'm letting go of my search and letting God work out all the details.
I will update you and let you know how it all turns out! I'm so ready to have A Story!
♥
Beth
My sister met her husband on eHarmony within a month! I used to be jealous of that, but who really wants to meet someone online. Yeah, sure, you pay $59 on eHarmony and they send you matches. I'm sure some people really are compatible and that's good for them. But I want a story. Yes, I'm fascinated by stories of finding love. I have tons of books on just stories of people finding their mate. So do I really want a story like, "yeah, I just signed up for this online dating site....and logged in one day and there he was." Um no. That's stupid. Sorry, sis. I'm glad you found your soulmate, but that's not how I want to find mine.
I read a great book entitled "When God Winks on Love" and there were some amazing love stories in that book. So I'm not saying you can't find love online. Many people do. But it's not for me. I'm so over it. Sure, it's nice to meet new men and go to dinner and find out about them. But what if I rely on God to place that special someone in my path??? I think it will be interesting to see who He brings into my life. Or who knows....maybe God has already placed him in my life.....
I don't know what's in store for my life, but I do know that God has a plan. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. And if you're sick of trying to find that Mr. or Ms. Right....then just Let Go and Let God. I love that saying. But it's true. I'm letting go of my search and letting God work out all the details.
I will update you and let you know how it all turns out! I'm so ready to have A Story!
♥
Beth
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I Have A Hope
So I will be 28 next week. Twenty Eight. Sounds so old. I’m close to 30. Twenty Seven just sounds so much younger. 28 and Single sounds like I either have a commitment phobia or am a cat lady. HA!
I’ll get over it though. Not gonna dwell on the “I’m single and I hate it” topic. It bores me and no one wants to hear it. So let’s try another subject.
Kids.
Do I want to have them? I need to start deciding before my eggs dry up. I don’t really know if I want to have kids!!! Does anyone else have this problem? I know I would be a great mother. One of those cool moms who doesn’t drive a MiniVan. But after working with twelve adolescent teenage boys on a daily basis, it’s really made me consider having a child. UGHH….I don’t know. I guess I’ll just wait till I get a man, then decide. You know, depending on the guy, I would have to ask myself…”Is this the man I want my kids to spend their weekend with???” Ha! Small joke I’ve heard before. I don’t believe in divorce. That’s why I’m picky about who I date. I want to be married for 50 years, holding hands out on the front porch swinging in our rocking chairs. Ahhh….one can only dream.
So back to my job, I really like it most days. But other days I don’t and am still searching for a better one. I have applied at one that I really hope I get. But we will see what God’s plan is.
God’s Plan…..hmmmm…..don’t you wish you knew what God had in store for your life. Or if you don’t believe in God….don’t you wonder what’s around the corner? You know….I think it’s just awesome to know that God directs my path and has good things in store for me. My favorite Bible verse is “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That’s Jeremiah 29:11
That verse gives me hope. It lets me know I don’t have to sit around worrying about my future, that God Has a Plan for me! And everyone else! Just thought I’d share that.
I went to the Extraordinary Women’s Conference at Freedom Hall last weekend. We sang this song that’s really good and I wanted to share it.
Here’s the song….
I hope that song gives you hope. God Bless!
♥
Beth
I’ll get over it though. Not gonna dwell on the “I’m single and I hate it” topic. It bores me and no one wants to hear it. So let’s try another subject.
Kids.
Do I want to have them? I need to start deciding before my eggs dry up. I don’t really know if I want to have kids!!! Does anyone else have this problem? I know I would be a great mother. One of those cool moms who doesn’t drive a MiniVan. But after working with twelve adolescent teenage boys on a daily basis, it’s really made me consider having a child. UGHH….I don’t know. I guess I’ll just wait till I get a man, then decide. You know, depending on the guy, I would have to ask myself…”Is this the man I want my kids to spend their weekend with???” Ha! Small joke I’ve heard before. I don’t believe in divorce. That’s why I’m picky about who I date. I want to be married for 50 years, holding hands out on the front porch swinging in our rocking chairs. Ahhh….one can only dream.
So back to my job, I really like it most days. But other days I don’t and am still searching for a better one. I have applied at one that I really hope I get. But we will see what God’s plan is.
God’s Plan…..hmmmm…..don’t you wish you knew what God had in store for your life. Or if you don’t believe in God….don’t you wonder what’s around the corner? You know….I think it’s just awesome to know that God directs my path and has good things in store for me. My favorite Bible verse is “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That’s Jeremiah 29:11
That verse gives me hope. It lets me know I don’t have to sit around worrying about my future, that God Has a Plan for me! And everyone else! Just thought I’d share that.
I went to the Extraordinary Women’s Conference at Freedom Hall last weekend. We sang this song that’s really good and I wanted to share it.
Here’s the song….
I hope that song gives you hope. God Bless!
♥
Beth
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