I like being fat....at least I'm happy

So I still haven't started my diet. I went and audtioned for The Biggest Loser in Nashville last month. The trip was fun, but no call back for me. Oh well. I'm over it. I know I can lose this weight if I really put forth an effort. But I really could care less right now. I like being fat. I enjoy eating whatever comes my way. Donuts at work? I'll eat 4. I buy birthday cake at Walmart when it's not even my birthday. I eat like a dregding machine. But I love it. I'm happy and am beginning to see my body in a different light. Sure I have alot of curves...in the wrong areas.....but my dating life is still good, so why fret?

So I finally joined the gym....3 weeks ago.....and it's working out pretty good. I haven't been yet, but at least I'm acutally considering going now. Since I signed a one year contract. I tend to be impulsive about purchasing things. I bought a motorcycle 2 years ago....haven't rode it yet, but i'm considering learning how.

So I'm still working at the alcohol and drug treatment center. I really like it! And that's a shocker. If you know me, then you know I don't have a good track record with jobs. I tend to get burnout and then find something else. So I am quite proud that I'm working somewhere going on 9 months!!! yay!

I'm getting back on stage this week. Gonna do a guest set at the Comedy Zone in JC. I'm excited, but nervous. Gonna try some new material. I often fantasize about my comedy career taking off and me actually having money. But I just don't foresee it happening. Oh well. I'm still gonna try and perform more. Maybe one day I can quit my day job.

I'll be 28 years old next month. Sounds so much older than 27. I wanted to be married when I was age 26, but that has never happened. I still know that God has a husband in store for me. Maybe I'm just not ready, and He is preparing me for him. I do have a lot of growing up to do. I mean for Pete's sake, my mom still comes over and does my laundry. Yeah. I'm lazy. What can i say. Maybe God is preparing the guy for me. Lord knows he's gotta be prepared to handle a bipolar girl. Yeah, I control it with meds, but still. I can still get manic or depressed. And let's just say, you have to be prepared to handle me at my worst.
So I'm trying to become content with being single. Chronically single. HA

Well, that's about all for now. I'll try to update this more often.

My Journey From Skinny To Fat

So I've decided it's time to make some changes in my life. I am completely disgusted with my body. I don't even like to look at pictures of me anymore. I feel like I'm a hot girl trapped in a fat girl's body.

I've always had problems with food. When I was in middle school, I was fat. I was always overweight, but between 8th grade and freshman year in high school....I had a major transformation. Braces came off...I got contacts....and I lost alot of weight. I was quite proud of myself and actually thought I looked decent for a change. I stayed thin through high school....starving myself alot and working out quite a bit. I remember one time I hadn't ate in a couple days then worked out and passed out. Then something happened and I gained alot of weight my senior year and kept gaining after high school until I hit 210 pounds. So I decided to get back into the gym. I got a trainer and managed to lose 50 pounds. I thought I looked pretty good at 160! I had a lot more confidence!!!

Then I don't know what happened!!! I remember I got sick one week and didn't go to the gym...and then I just never went back! I started eating fast food and not watching what I ate. I just really let myself go....

So now, dear friends...I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I weigh 250 pounds. ARE YOU JOKING ME? I try not to think about it. But then I see pics of myself and just get disgusted. No wonder I'm single! I'm huge!

So it's time to stop talking about going back to the gym and JUST DO IT. I went 2 weeks ago and the trainer worked me out too hard and I about passed out. Seriously. My vision and hearing went away....It was sad. So now I have to go to the doctor to get a clearance before I can work out anymore. But I'm going to do it.

I will start blogging about my weight loss journey. And this time I won't gain it back. That's ridiculous. All that money spent at the gym and on a trainer....and I got fat again.

So if you all have any tips on how you lost weight, please feel free to share them with me. Wish me luck!!!!