Contemplating life this evening.
I had to get out of the ghetto
I had all these bites on my legs and thought I had the bed bugs!
Turns out my roommate's kitten had fleas and did you know that fleas can bite humans?
ugh.
So I stayed in a hotel until I ran out of money.
Then I had two choices: To find a pimp and get paid for fellatio.
Or come back to my place in JC.
I chose the latter...but was seriously considering being a prostitute.
So now I'm out 500 bucks and back to trying to find a place in Georgia.
But then I was thinking....I wanna do something more drastic...like LA or New York.
So yeah, my options are open.
And I have plenty of time to figure it out.
I am loving being unemployed!
I can stay up all night masturbating and sleep till 2pm!
I can smoke weed all day.
Yeah, but if I want a job...might have to stop smoking the ol ganga for awhile.
I'm loving life right now...even though I've kind of hit bottom.
I'm trying to be optimistic though
They say when God closes a door....He opens a window!
So yeah.
Any suggestions on where to move to?
I've been researching comedians. Where they grew up, where they got their start in comedy.
I've watched I Am Comic like 3 times.
And Heckler.
And Jerry Seinfeld's Comedian
I'm taking this comedy thing like a job.
I got all my books out
I've been studying the art of it.
Well not really, but that sounded good.
But seriously...I always wanted to do comedy more and now that I got fired...I have a chance!
But Johnson City is not the place for a comedian.
So I've got to move on.
I wish my parents would sell this place and buy me a trailer and then I could just roll it on down the road.
Or I was thinking
I want to be a stay-at-home mom. Without the having a kid part.
I could meet some man....preferably with good health benefits....and get married and.
Ok yeah fuck that.
Who the hell wants to get married?
Most people don't make it 10 years
Or they are like my parents and have been married almost 50 years but don't have sex or talk to each other.
So yeah....
What about an actress?
I used to be hot. I could get down to 140lbs again and be hot.
I auditioned for a movie once and my audition was laughable. Hell I didn't know what I was doing. And then I was like, "Do I have to say "g...d..." ? I hate that. That's taking the Lord's name in vain and I might cuss like a sailor at times...but I don't say that and hate hearting it
But I digress...........
I think I'm in love.
With a friend.
Story of my life.
blah, blah, blah.
Yeah this blog has no point. Just rambling. Listening to some Keith Whitley.
I don't like feeling like I have no plan.
I'm 31....I need a plan...and a man.
Or do I?
I really could care less about having a relationship.
But a girl has needs.
I need some sex.
This dildo is not cutting it.
But I digress.
I want to get better at the guitar and play my parodies that I wrote at open mics
I have so many dreams.
I have so much material that I've never even tried because I was afraid to say dick onstage.
I have about 10 bits about blow jobs.
(Those that know me will understand)
Speaking of blow jobs....do you know what sucks?
Besides me...ha!
Being turned down for a blow job!!
Man: "I'm just too worn out"
Me thinking to myself: "How much effort does it take to lay there and push your hand on a girl's head?"
I mean seriously people. I can understand that people are too tired for sex.
But if a girl is offering you a blow job....why the hell would you turn it down?
It is too much work for you to sit on the couch while I get on my knees and almost puke because I'm trying to impress you by deep throating your cock?
I mean really?
Sheesh.
But I digress....
I've thought of some career options.
Cause I've figured out I have to get a day job while I'm doing this comedy thing...
So I can write a book on blow jobs.
Or finish my bipolar memoir.
Or finish school. ha! Boring. Why the hell did I think I wanted to be a Psychologist.
I have enough problems...I can't listen to people tell me their problems.
I'd be like, "No girl! Put down the penis! Kick that man to the curb!"
And you can't really do that in therapy.
I know because I've been in therapy for over 10 years...ha!
Well I'm going to end this rant now.
I'll update you on my next roadtrip / adventure / craziness.
Peace out.
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