Ready for Love

My mind is racing.  Sometimes I hate mania.  I just want to sleep.  I never drink and had a glass of wine and that made me super horny and fuck.  Then my mind starts racing and I try to analyze every past relationship and why they didn't work out.  And I'm hyper-sexual and what's a single girl to do?  To Be a Hoe or Not.  That is the question.
I could get a guy to come over but I'm over friends with benefits.  I'm finally at a point in my life that I'm ready to settle down and eventually get married and maybe have a kid or two.  I'm 37 and never been married.  I've loved many men.  Many, many, men.  But only a handful have actually loved me I think and only two guys actually said they loved me.  But I fuck up relationships so that makes me scared to get in another one.  I hate dating.  I've done every online dating site there is.

match.com
eHarmony
Christian Mingle
POF
bbwcupid
OkCupid

I mean fuck.  I've probably met over 100 men.  Lots of first and second dates.  Then either depression sets in or I scare them off.  I'm very open about me being bipolar.  People have told me not to be but they can fuck off.  I do what I want.  And a man needs to know what he's getting into.  It weeds out the weak.  I don't want a pussy ass bitch.  I need a real man.  Who is not afraid to love and actually trusts people.  I'm over fuckboys.  Sometimes women just want to be held and loved.  As much as I love sucking cock, I'd kill for a hug sometimes.  Or cuddling.  Fuck. my. life.
I need sleep but have to work in a few hours so guess I'm staying up