Mr. Big Balls

 He messaged me on Tinder one hot July Tuesday night

Fresh out of Woodridge psychiatric hospital 

I fell in love at first sight

I’ve never seen blue eyes prettier than mine

I got chills when he didn’t care my mental health was on a decline

He brought me a pack of smokes

I knew it was love after the first toke 

He overlooked my crazy. 

I overlooked his past 

now I don’t know what to do to make this love last

Beth, where is your boyfriend? 

I thought you were in love

I thought I was too 

didn’t even make him wear a glove

Why do I get so attached so quick? 

I knew he was special when I first sucked his d$&!

Call it lust. Call it lame. But it’s more 

it was really love at first sight

He has huge balls

God made this boy right

He was there for me when I got an STD

So I’ll be there for him for all eternity

I may flirt around with other guys

But my heart is loyal to Mr. blue eyes

Mr. big balls, he should win an award

One thing about him, I’ll never be bored

I’ll wait on him because that’s what love does

I know it’s true love because I’m writing this without a buzz

8-10-26

Andrea Beth Smith

East Tennessee Diss Rap

Bitch think she all that

but you ain’t got a hat

A cowboy hat

Put me up to bat

I got a baby cat

A blind one too

Take him to the vet

Tell Willie fuckin Estep

I like Beth better than Mary Lu

She had dem trees

And fed me in my time of need

But bet I’ll never smoke weed 

with Willie again

Cause he with the goddamn Taliban

Fuck jim alley

Who is that Beth?

a little bitch boy that probably smokes meth

I’m on Team Mohammed 

guess I’m with da fucking Taliban too

It’s a zoo

My two nieces and nephew

Call me Boo Boo

Boo Crowley?

No he’s a short stop

Or maybe a damn cop

Wonder what he’s doing these days

Probably gettin laid

Isn’t he married?

My favorite movie is about a man named Harry

Why did he call you Cooter when you were a damn virgin?

Cause he a little bitch boy and jealous I liked Bryan better than him

Gosh Beth. Is Bryan married too? 

No comment I still like that boys mom

Who else have you Blew?

Devin Harris 

He should be arrested

For giving you chlamydia?

No for stealing my heart

Making me think I wasn’t a thot

Bless his Bipolar little heart

I ain’t a name dropper

I’ll fuck with Shocka’s dad

Beth he’s married

Do they swing? 

I need to know how to get a ring

Beth - shocka just got married

I just wanna learn to rap too

Has he ever been to California like you?

I can’t freestyle like him

Bet he makes a good livin

His wife cooks him a good meal 

every day in their kitchen

No but he the best in the south

Boy run dat mouth 

Neck tatt boy fucked with nicole Arbour 

I wanna put that bitch in a harbor

That was just a joke 

These damn trees make me toke 

Nicole arbours a bitch

Wanna rap battle her

Oh no - look at me 

I caused quite a stir

Does shocka know Branson

He stole my subwoofers 

I outta track him down

Hold them for ransom

Then he got me on his glasses

I’m gonna kick everybody’s asses

At the gosh darn RedneckBrawl

Hey little bitch boy 

give me a call

But I don’t wanna name names

Just call me blow job Betty

Let me get to some fame

That’s a rap

Cmon wit it Beth

Do you smoke meth

No that’s crystal beth

Leeann’s dumb cousin

Or is it sister

Who knows there’s about 47 people 

All up in one fucking house

Maybe she’s her spouse

Used to be a damn musician 

Now she in jail every other day

But they let her stay?

Bitch needs a life coach 

But I like Beth better than Leeann

She think she all that

Cause she ain’t been to jail

Damn bitch be givin advice 

but don’t even have a damn job

She needs to call Bob

Hey Leeann - suck my left tit

Little girl who’s a bitch

About to put her to bed

somebody needs some loving

Not bad in the metaphorical way Beth 

How do you make men stay? 

I don’t know, but if I knew

I done been married a time or twenty two

But is love true

They bid me adieu

That boy left after I blew

The shit out of his damn dick 

sucked da damn soul out his body

He a hottie

From Little Rock

I need a rock

A crack rock? 

No that’s my other friend

He a 10 

But it may be a problem

Think he needs rehab

I’d fuck him and his son

Beth! He has a girlfriend 

Uh oh better run

Didn’t you fuck wit Dominick JoELL Perez?

The fat and homeless little bitch boy that made me give him head?

We don’t fuck anymore 

He stole an iPhone nicer than mine

And he will do time

In the pen 

Penitentiary that is

Ain’t he a whiz

he’s fuckin Stephanie 

A homeless bitch

that ain’t got her kids

Why he wit her?

He a hobo 

He one fry short of a happy meal

Someone should give him a rap deal

Beth, you could kick her ass

You let her in your house 

and she treats you like that?

Some bitches be hoes

She’s got a good idea

Suck some dick for Money

Come here I’ll call you honey

I call my man mr big balls

He think I’m small

Don’t hang up on me, boy

when you call 

I may fuck a dude from Cincinnati

Cincinnati? Why?

He hot as hell 

It’s raining hail

I don’t ever wanna go

back to jail

I kinda like this black guy

He from North Carolina 

Wanna wine and dine him

Take him to the South

South Carolina 

Then there’s another brother 

He’s in Nashville 

I can’t decide who to date

Lemme ask my mother

Oh nevermind 

I cussed the bitch out

 She probably want me 

to marry a preacher

Who’s all strung out

On dope

Since my parents say 

that’s what I smoke

I’m looking good in my cherry swimsuit

Suit and tie is what I need next

Or some sex

Makin all them boyz crawl

Cmon give me a call

Lemme fight Mr. Hall

At the gosh darn Redneck Brawl

Written by: Andrea Beth Smith

Kindly Fuck off…

 I’ve lost a lot of friends this year. 

friends and family. 

People who I thought would be by my side till the day I died. 

but I haven’t lost Jesus. God has been with me every step of the way through my four psychiatric hospitalizations - three at Woodridge one in Knoxville that was even worse than Woodridge. Then I fractured my nose and still haven’t seen a plastic surgeon and in the regular hospital numerous times. 

And then I got arrested for a crime I didn’t commit. I get it. They thought I was stealing a car but house keys don’t start cars and come Monday this will all be over with.

thank you for the ones that have been there for me and fuck you to the ones who haven’t 

I’m tired of being judged, mocked, and made fun of. 

Even my own sister doesn’t understand me and she’s a goddamn doctor. Thank God she’s not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I think she skipped learning about schizoaffective disorder and borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder type one with psychosis. 

My parents cut me off of their money because they said I made bad decisions this year. They have no idea the hell I’ve been through and what living with multiple mental illnesses is like. I’m newly diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder so that has been hard . So they have lost a daughter because I refuse to be controlled by them. They try to micromanage my life and they’re in their mid 80s. I know it’s awful to say, but I look forward to the day they go on to Beulah Land.

so if you see me in public and I don’t speak, I recognize you. I’m not crazy. Well I am crazy but I take medication daily 

if I see you and I don’t speak just like Cardi B says that means I don’t fuck with you so kindly fuck off. This is my PSA of the day.

Letting You Go

 One final hug and we parted ways

I’m letting go

He was never meant to stay

Why does my heart ache for this man

What is God’s plan

Why did he put this man in my life

He has a family. Too much strife 

It was love at first sight that November night

We had such chemistry 

Things just felt right

I pray for him and hope he finds true love

I truly think he was sent from above

I pray I’ll get over him one day

Maybe one day some man will actually stay

He Was Never Mine

 ChatGPT turned my poem into a song and I kinda dig it! 

He Was Never Mine

By Andrea Beth Smith 

[Verse 1]

A beard that’s red and eyes of blue

I miss his laugh and his smile 

He was fucking beautiful — his soul, too

I let down my walls, gave him all of me

Saw him daily, felt like glee

[Chorus]

He was never mine, but I loved him still

Laid my heart down, now I’m climbing this hill

With weed smoke, old songs, and coffee sips

Still taste his name on my lonely lips

But Lord, I know You’ve got a plan so real

So I’ll wait for the one who knows how to feel

[Verse 2]

We sang rap songs, smoked weed in the dawn

I knew damn well he’d be gone

Haven’t touched him since December

But my body, God — it still remembers

He was never mine, just a friend

But I swore my love would never end

[Bridge]

Maybe he was just a southern flame

A beautiful boy with no real name

But You, God, You see my pain

And I know You’ll send real love again

[Final Chorus – Soft/Reflective]

He was never mine, but I loved him deep

Laid awake while he danced through sleep

But I’m letting go — not to forget, but to heal

’Cause I deserve a love that’s honest and real

What is Love

 What is love

Who the fuck knows 

I met a boy 

He looked like an angel. 

I felt a tingle in my toes. 

Been boy crazy since middle school chronically single 

Thiught that love had bid me adieu

Then came you

With that sexy ass smile 

Big boots, red beard, and a Carhartt jacket 

I opened my door

I said to myself OK let’s make this happen 

You never wanted me though 

even though we fucked twice

I know you fucked 100 bitches since but I’ll never forget those nights

I never even kissed you but somehow started praying for you and I don’t know what happened. 

I ask God if this is some cosmic joke.

I’m not eating all I can do is toke. 

Haven’t heard from you in days. 

I hope you change your ways

I saw a future with you

I thought the love was true

But alas

You have a child 

I cannot interfere

but why do I dream about you when you’re not here?

Why can I not get you out of my brain? 

I hate to say it

but I’m going literally insane.

The wine isn’t working 

I’m almost out of weed. 

Nobody will come over in my time of need. 

I’ll be OK God is working at all times. 

See you in Boston my dear

I’ll be making more rhymes

Losing a Muse

February 9th, 2023

He was her muse

She was worried she’d lose

Why does she chase after boys?

Who just want to use her as a toy

She’s not insane

He knows her pain

She doesn’t understand why he was put on her path

She’s never wanted anything more when she heard his laugh

She silently cries in her room

She goes from happy to gloom

She prays for a sign from God

She hopes he’s not a fraud

-Andrea Beth Smith

 I met my ex in 2019 and that's when the verbal abuse started.  I was so in love though that I endured the abuse for 3 years.  

Fast forward to November 2022 and I was in a manic episode.  We had not been intimate in 2 years.  Sleeping in separate bedrooms.

I decided to go to my platonic male friends house on November 27th.  I got home at 3 am.  I didn't think it mattered since he made it clear to me that he didn't want a relationship even though we acted like a couple.  He thought he could control me.  Total narcissist.

I got home at 3:15 am and he gave me the silent treatment for a couple hours.  I was just chilling in the living room listening to music when he came in here and we got into it.  I don't think he believed me that I just went to a friend's house.

Then he gets mad and retreats in his room.

Keep in mind I have bipolar disorder type 1 and he has bipolar type 2 with severe unresolved anger issues.  Also, he's a narcissist, has oppositional defiant disorder, and possibly borderline personality disorder.  He was a felon.  Stabbed a guy once.

I should have seen the red flags but I had love goggles on.

After we argued he came back in the living room .  I was just chilling on the couch.  I could tell he was still mad but he said, "Can I have a hug?"

I opened my arms out to hug him and next thing I know....his hands were around my neck choking me.  Then he put his hands over my mouth and I could not breathe.

He hit me at one point because I had a huge bruise on my upper arm that stayed there for 3 weeks.

We wrestled around in the floor and I finally got away.

I ran to his bedroom and he followed.  We wrestled around some more and then I screamed this tribal scream and I think it scared him back to reality because he was crying and begging me not to call the cops.

He was just in his underwear and ran outside.  

He had knocked my glasses off and took my phone out of my hands so I could not see.  I'm basically blind without glasses.  But I just kept praying to God to let me live and somehow managed to get to the front door and lock him out.  

He called the cops on himself.  I screamed bloody murder out the door before I locked it.  Woke the neighbors because it was 5am.

It was very traumatic.  

Cops came and arrested him.  Took pictures of all my bruises and I had a cut on my face

I've never had a man physically assault me.

I was determined to keep the domestic violence charge on him.  He told me once how he had hit other girlfriends.

But I'm a Christian and started praying about it.  Because I was big time mad at him and mad at the world.

I didn't understand why this happened to me. 

I had been going to church and trying to be good to him, thinking he would change his ways over time.

On February 8th I decided to break the restraining order and email him.

I wanted him to know that I forgave him even though he never apologized.

I felt like God was saying to me since he suffered and died for my sins....that I should forgive a non-believer for their sin against me.

I called the Washington Count Sessions Court that day to see when his next court date was.

It was the next morning, February 9th.

I took that as a sign that I did the right thing.  So I went to court and just wanted to lift the no contact order.  He is a trap music producer and I wanted to pull a Miley Cyrus and rap on one of his beats.

But I guess the prosecutor misunderstood me and thought I wanted to drop the charges.  Keep in mind I was manic and thought God was using me to make a difference in my ex's life.

I signed some paper that I agreed he should have Anger Management classes and now he won't have probation or face jail time. 

I was fine with the decision until I read some of his posts on facebook basically calling me crazy and that he knows I'm losing my $h!t.

Now I'm pissed.

I should have never dropped the charges.

What if he hits another girl?

It will be my fault in a way.

I do stand-up comedy and I've started writing again and plan to get on stage soon.  I sent in an audition for America's Got Talent and also wrote in again to Dr.Phil so I don't know yet how this story ends.

I just thought domestic violence and women being scared and terrified to prosecute their abuser would be a good story.; And I noticed after hearing cases recently in court that alot of women stand by their abuser and don't know how to get out.

I'm glad I got out.  I told my ex I would never kick him out.  And I didn't.

He kicked himself out.

Thanks so much for reading.

Losin My Shit

 My ex said I’m losin my Shit. 🤣 

So I wrote a little ditty, but decided not to buy his beat. 

Found me one on https://wyshmasterbeats.com 😜

Losin My Shit 

I’m losin my shit

Over a mother fuckin bitch 

Textin me after 6 months like u wanna fuck

When you had me and wouldn’t even let me suck?

I don’t ever wanna see your face

You don’t even wanna be your own race

You a little punk ass bitch 

who probably sucks dick

Put your hands on every woman you meet

But you fucked up with me so admit defeat 

Wouldn’t touch you with a 10 foot pole

How you like drivin your mama’s car, troll 

Called me Big Stank like it was a funny joke

Guess who’s laughing now while you at your mama’s house broke

How you gonna say you’re an Alpha male

You a weak ass little bitch that keeps goin to jail!

Alphas are Protectors. Providers. And fuckin Leaders

You ain’t shit. You’re a fuckin woman beater

I dropped the charges because I felt sorry for your ass

And all you did was take a 4 hour Anger Management class?

Think you’re in the fuckin clear 

But imma make sure you reap what you sow, dear

I got a new roommate now

An Alpha who pays me rent. Wow

How you like livin in a shed

While I’m out here laughing and givin head 

You should be thankful I saved your punk ass

But nah you out here free and think you can hide your past

You will get what’s yours in time

I don’t have to make these rhymes 

But sometimes in life you get what you ask for

I didn’t wanna be a rapper but guess that’s what God has in store

Think it’s funny that you a wigga

I’m out here talkin to a whole crew of niggas

I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank

You’ll be crying one day while listening to some Hank

I’m sipping wine

Feeling mighty fine

Ain’t gonna be no man’s wife

Ain’t gonna have no more strife

Thanks for the bruise that lasted for four fucking weeks

I’m smiling now fucker

See ya in the streets. ✌️💯😘

(To be continued…)

 I'm getting out of this damn town.

Tried to move away twice.

Third time's a charm.

I tried to move to Atlanta once.

Performed at The Punchline at an open mic and loved that place even though nobody talked to me.

Ended up in Stone Mountain because I saw an apartment ad on Craigslist.

My roomie Paula dated Tupac in the 90's. I saw pics of them together.

But the apartment had roaches so I had to bounce.

It was an all black neighborhood and we'd have random guys over to smoke weed. ha. Good Times.

Then I tried to move to Nashville once.

Ended up in Smyrna working at Claire's as the Assistant Manager.

I stayed with this old man on a cot in a motel room that you pay by the week.

He was impotent though so he didn't try to make a move on me thank God.

One good thing....in all my spontaneous travels...God always watches over me and protects me from harm. You just don't even know some of the shit I've seen and done. I'm a hot mess. But God loves me. That's all that matters.

Online Dating Woes

So many fish in the sea

I just want one that’s meant to be

So many pics. Too many dicks. 

A lot of pricks. 

Some too old. Some too bold. 

What the hell am I even Iooking for? 

Just want someone to hold. 

Someone with a damn goal

Someone with depth

Who doesn’t do meth

And likes to smoke some dro.