♥ Waiting ♥

All this music in my head
Thinkin how am I not dead
Been up 48 hours
No food I have devoured
Realizing God has a plan for my life
But Mo Fos be bringing me strife
This wines got me feeling fine
But how am I supposed to let my light shine
Got dick on my mind
I’m over being kind
One minute I wanna be a rapper
Damn homie, you looking dapper
Black men know how to please
But I'm such a fucking tease
Had sex on the first date
Shoulda made the nigga wait
Was it love at first sight
I think I finally saw the light
Will I scare this one away
I just want to make him stay
He liked me at my lowest point
Damn, now I gotta smoke a joint

Ready for Love

My mind is racing.  Sometimes I hate mania.  I just want to sleep.  I never drink and had a glass of wine and that made me super horny and fuck.  Then my mind starts racing and I try to analyze every past relationship and why they didn't work out.  And I'm hyper-sexual and what's a single girl to do?  To Be a Hoe or Not.  That is the question.
I could get a guy to come over but I'm over friends with benefits.  I'm finally at a point in my life that I'm ready to settle down and eventually get married and maybe have a kid or two.  I'm 37 and never been married.  I've loved many men.  Many, many, men.  But only a handful have actually loved me I think and only two guys actually said they loved me.  But I fuck up relationships so that makes me scared to get in another one.  I hate dating.  I've done every online dating site there is.

match.com
eHarmony
Christian Mingle
POF
bbwcupid
OkCupid

I mean fuck.  I've probably met over 100 men.  Lots of first and second dates.  Then either depression sets in or I scare them off.  I'm very open about me being bipolar.  People have told me not to be but they can fuck off.  I do what I want.  And a man needs to know what he's getting into.  It weeds out the weak.  I don't want a pussy ass bitch.  I need a real man.  Who is not afraid to love and actually trusts people.  I'm over fuckboys.  Sometimes women just want to be held and loved.  As much as I love sucking cock, I'd kill for a hug sometimes.  Or cuddling.  Fuck. my. life.
I need sleep but have to work in a few hours so guess I'm staying up

Mister Molester

I'm really glad I reported my molestation to the police 2 years ago. It was right before the Me Too Movement. Perfect timing.
A lady cop came over and sat on my couch and listened to the whole story and even though it had been too many years for him to get in trouble with the law, I felt a weight lifted and like I wasn't ashamed of it anymore.
I pray for him these days. If he did it to me, then I'm sure he's done it to others.
Men, just because a woman comes over and passes out drunk on your couch doesn't give you the right to touch her and certainly not pull down her pants and try to please her. Seems like common sense but men are pigs. Well, there's a few good ones left. But that shit fucks us women up. Especially if we have mental issues already. Fuck

Bipolar and Celebrities

I wish more celebrities would follow my fellow bipolar sistas Demi Lovato and Bebe Rexha and would be more open about their mental health struggles. Like Britney Spears. We all know she's bipolar. Hell far, once I about shaved my head too. And the umbrella incident....you could just tell by the look on her face she had reached psychosis. I once tackled my friend for really no reason and acted crazy. Then another time I ended up in a straight jacket. Psychosis is being out of touch with reality. But you remember what you did when your moods finally level out. 

I pray I'm never psychotic again. I take an anti-psychotic so I'm praying it keeps me out of good ol' Woodridge. I love this mania right now though. I don't think I'm full blown manic. Just hypomania. But it's like it's better than the high you get from any drug. And you don't want to come down. It's an amazing feeling that you want to last forever....