Rich Gang - Tapout (Explicit) [Official Video]

Hypersexual Days...

I always get manic after sex.  every. fucking. time.
It's horrible especially now that I have a full time job.  Ugh.  Must. Have. a. Shit ton. of. Coffee.
Maybe I should be celibate again.  That usually lasts years though and then I get a little promiscous.  ha.

I have weird hypersexual thoughts when manic.  I don't know how I stayed celibate for so many years at a time.  Well I used to think pre-marital sex was wrong and that sex should only be for marriage.  Oh how my views have changed.  I mean I'm 37 and never been married.  I can't wait forever to have sex, Jesus...shit.

I like oral sex a little too much.  Ha.  Just letting ya know.  I don't know why but I just like pleasing men.  I get tested and I'm not a hoe...I won't just go down on anyone.  ha.
But I don't get why I like it so much.  I guess it's just the oral fixation issue I have.

I am really enjoying this Merena birth control IUD thing.  I think it's made me even more horny though.  I haven't been taking my meds regularly cause I stay up 24 hours alot so maybe that's it.  Definetely need to take meds regularly, Beth.  Don't want to end up in the psych hospital again.

Well, I need to rub one out and get a couple hours of sleep before work.  I'll write more later.

♥ Waiting ♥

All this music in my head
Thinkin how am I not dead
Been up 48 hours
No food I have devoured
Realizing God has a plan for my life
But Mo Fos be bringing me strife
This wines got me feeling fine
But how am I supposed to let my light shine
Got dick on my mind
I’m over being kind
One minute I wanna be a rapper
Damn homie, you looking dapper
Black men know how to please
But I'm such a fucking tease
Had sex on the first date
Shoulda made the nigga wait
Was it love at first sight
I think I finally saw the light
Will I scare this one away
I just want to make him stay
He liked me at my lowest point
Damn, now I gotta smoke a joint

Ready for Love

My mind is racing.  Sometimes I hate mania.  I just want to sleep.  I never drink and had a glass of wine and that made me super horny and fuck.  Then my mind starts racing and I try to analyze every past relationship and why they didn't work out.  And I'm hyper-sexual and what's a single girl to do?  To Be a Hoe or Not.  That is the question.
I could get a guy to come over but I'm over friends with benefits.  I'm finally at a point in my life that I'm ready to settle down and eventually get married and maybe have a kid or two.  I'm 37 and never been married.  I've loved many men.  Many, many, men.  But only a handful have actually loved me I think and only two guys actually said they loved me.  But I fuck up relationships so that makes me scared to get in another one.  I hate dating.  I've done every online dating site there is.

match.com
eHarmony
Christian Mingle
POF
bbwcupid
OkCupid

I mean fuck.  I've probably met over 100 men.  Lots of first and second dates.  Then either depression sets in or I scare them off.  I'm very open about me being bipolar.  People have told me not to be but they can fuck off.  I do what I want.  And a man needs to know what he's getting into.  It weeds out the weak.  I don't want a pussy ass bitch.  I need a real man.  Who is not afraid to love and actually trusts people.  I'm over fuckboys.  Sometimes women just want to be held and loved.  As much as I love sucking cock, I'd kill for a hug sometimes.  Or cuddling.  Fuck. my. life.
I need sleep but have to work in a few hours so guess I'm staying up