Contemplating life...and love tonight. Just wondering if there is a "soulmate" for everyone that we will eventually meet? Or is it that God places different people in out life that have the potential to be our soulmate..and we chose? Do you think God plans who you will marry at the beginning of your life...or even before you born...did he know? Or is us that does the picking...the choosing...of who we set our heart on and love?
Those are just a few of my questions. I'd like some good advice so feel free to comment. I am a hopeless romantic and definitely believe in soulmates. I think it's serendipitous. I want a love that comes out of nowhere. That is enchanting. That when I meet Mr. Right, I will just know God sent him to me and he is The One. Oh, but what can only hope.
But I digress...
I thought I had found The One at one point in time. I would listen to sappy love songs and daydream about the wedding in my future. Yeah, corny I know. I would write poems never giving them to the said person. I would pray that God would place a desire in his heart for me to be his wife. But alas, it never happened. And I moved on.
The viscous cycle goes on though. I meet someone...I really like them...I have my heart set on them...but they either don't like me or meet someone else. Why is that the guys who I like, don't like me? But the guys that like me, I don't like? That is the million dollar question.
Do I want what I can't have? Do I like the thought of winning someone over? I think I might. That is not good. Men like to chase. They want to be the one to pursue you. But looking back at my life...I've pursued the men...like their a mouse and I'm the cat that POUNCES on them when they least expect it. And scare them away...
Money spent on men...much more than money men have spent on me. Concert tickets, stuffed animals, A FREAKING MOTORCYCLE! Are you joking me? If I have learned one thing in my almost 29 years...it's that you can't buy love. Not even with a brand new Kawasaki Ninja 650R. But it's not just me that's crazy and tries to buy love. I see others do it too. I'm glad I'm not the only one...but Sheesh! You'd think I would learn something and not repeat this viscous cycle...but I do!
I was thinking the other day...I want to be a clinical psychologist and give advice. But I see my own psychologist and get relationship advice! I can't figure out why I'm still single when I have a burning desire to be with someone?!?!
So maybe I should just focus on comedy...and not even desire to be a shrink. It just doesn't make sense to want to give out relationship advice and help fix people...when I can't even figure out myself.
But I digress...
There are alot of things I know and need to change. I think God molds you into the person He wants you to be. He wants you to be your best. And right now...that's not me. I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day at times....I eat ungodly amounts of food...and I don't exercise. Maybe God is just shaping me into the woman He wants me to become...then when he is done molding and shaping me...He will put The One in my life. Hmm....
Then again maybe I'm just unlucky in love. Maybe I'm one of those people that's called to be single. But how can that be when I have such a yearning to be in a relationship? Doesn't The Bible say that God will give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in him? I think so....
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4. What does that mean, you ask? When you pursue the will of God and submit to what He wants you to do, the results will far surpass anything you could imagine for your life. Not only will He put His desires for your life in your heart, He will fulfill them!
So I'm trying to pursue His will for my life? I'm trying to submit to what He wants me to do? But why isn't he fulfilling my desires?
At times I question my faith. Not that God is real. I know that He is. Not that I'm going to heaven. I know that I am. I just question the fact that God is supposed to send me a guy and place him in my life...and I know I'm supposed to wait on His timing...and his timing is perfect...blah, blah, blah....But what on earth is a girl supposed to do in the meantime? Just go years and years without intimacy? Not sex...I can go without that if I have to. I'm talking about spiritual and emotional intimacy with a man!!! Companionship!
That's not found in a one night stand. And yes...I'm not ashamed to admit I've had one. Am I proud of it? No. But hormones take over at times...and it happens to many. Would I prefer casual sex or a committed, monogamous relationship? Well, me being a hopeless romantic...I think you already know the answer to that.
I want someone that I know is mine for the rest of our life here on earth. I want to have someone to buy little cards for when it's just a normal day. I want someone to come home to. To cook for. To care for. To please...
I want someone that encourages me and me them. I want someone by my side in the tough times...when life gets hard. I want someone that I can take off on the back of a motorcycle on a spontaneous trip!
But I digress...
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Doesn't that meen that God has a plan for my life...and that includes a spouse! Maybe I'm taking it out of context...but it says PLANS...plural! So wouldn't that mean plans for what job I'll take, where I'll live, and who I marry?
I used to love reading books about how people met their spouses? "When God Winks On Love" by Squire Rushnell was the best book I ever read. That one and "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Best books ever. I would daydream in between reading that God was going to write me an awesome, serendipitous love story and me and my husband would one day write a book telling our story of how we met and blah, blah, blah.
I've always wanted to write a book. I don't really know about what though.
But I digress...
I guess some questions are never answered until we meet our Maker that one fine day. I guess sometimes the older you get, the more you will understand things...so I'm praying that I get older and wiser. I pray for my future husband...wherever he may be...and I encourage everyone to do the same. This is what I pray...
"Lord you created me. And I believe you created me for marriage. I don’t know the timeline, but I’m asking you to fulfill my desire to be married.
Thank you Lord for this strong desire you’ve placed in my heart. Thank you that you’ve already been where I’m headed and that you know what my future holds. Thank you for marriage and for my future mate. Please be with him and prepare His heart to do your will."
I didn't write that. I think I found it in a book I read. Not really sure. But I love it. It gives me hope. It's like you are already declaring that you are going to get married. You just have to have faith that God will answer your prayer...being it you get what you want or get what God wants you to have.
Well I will wrap this up. Just wanted everyone's opinion on soulmates...and I kind of took off rambling.
I do have a hope for my future. I know God has plan for me...including a Godly man.
I just wish His timing would match mine. But I know it is best to wait on His timing and who He wants for me.
I will end with an inspirational song for the ones wanting to be loved. (It's rather corny, but I like it, so get over it.)
Leave me some comments!
Much Obliged,
Bethie
