Better Jobs and Blow Jobs

Contemplating life this evening.
I had to get out of the ghetto
I had all these bites on my legs and thought I had the bed bugs!
Turns out my roommate's kitten had fleas and did you know that fleas can bite humans?
ugh.
So I stayed in a hotel until I ran out of money.
Then I had two choices:  To find a pimp and get paid for fellatio.
Or come back to my place in JC.

I chose the latter...but was seriously considering being a prostitute.
So now I'm out 500 bucks and back to trying to find a place in Georgia.
But then I was thinking....I wanna do something more drastic...like LA or New York.
So yeah, my options are open.
And I have plenty of time to figure it out.

I am loving being unemployed!
I can stay up all night masturbating and sleep till 2pm!
I can smoke weed all day.
Yeah, but if I want a job...might have to stop smoking the ol ganga for awhile.

I'm loving life right now...even though I've kind of hit bottom.
I'm trying to be optimistic though
They say when God closes a door....He opens a window!
So yeah.
Any suggestions on where to move to?
I've been researching comedians.  Where they grew up, where they got their start in comedy.
I've watched I Am Comic like 3 times.
And Heckler.
And Jerry Seinfeld's Comedian
I'm taking this comedy thing like a job.
I got all my books out
I've been studying the art of it.
Well not really, but that sounded good.

But seriously...I always wanted to do comedy more and now that I got fired...I have a chance!
But Johnson City is not the place for a comedian.
So I've got to move on.
I wish my parents would sell this place and buy me a trailer and then I could just roll it on down the road.
Or I was thinking
I want to be a stay-at-home mom.  Without the having a kid part.
I could meet some man....preferably with good health benefits....and get married and.
Ok yeah fuck that.
Who the hell wants to get married?
Most people don't make it 10 years
Or they are like my parents and have been married almost 50 years but don't have sex or talk to each other.
So yeah....
What about an actress?
I used to be hot.  I could get down to 140lbs again and be hot.
I auditioned for a movie once and my audition was laughable.  Hell I didn't know what I was doing.  And then I was like, "Do I have to say "g...d..." ?  I hate that.  That's taking the Lord's name in vain and I might cuss like a sailor at times...but I don't say that and hate hearting it
But I digress...........
I think I'm in love.
With a friend.
Story of my life.
blah, blah, blah.
Yeah this blog has no point.  Just rambling.  Listening to some Keith Whitley.
I don't like feeling like I have no plan.
I'm 31....I need a plan...and a man.
Or do I?
I really could care less about having a relationship.
But a girl has needs.
I need some sex.
This dildo is not cutting it.

But I digress.
I want to get better at the guitar and play my parodies that I wrote at open mics
I have so many dreams.
I have so much material that I've never even tried because I was afraid to say dick onstage.
I have about 10 bits about blow jobs.
(Those that know me will understand)
Speaking of blow jobs....do you know what sucks?
Besides me...ha!
Being turned down for a blow job!!
Man: "I'm just too worn out"
Me thinking to myself: "How much effort does it take to lay there and push your hand on a girl's head?"
I mean seriously people.  I can understand that people are too tired for sex.
But if a girl is offering you a blow job....why the hell would you turn it down?
It is too much work for you to sit on the couch while I get on my knees and almost puke because I'm trying to impress you by deep throating your cock?
I mean really?
Sheesh.

But I digress....
I've thought of some career options.
Cause I've figured out I have to get a day job while I'm doing this comedy thing...
So I can write a book on blow jobs.
Or finish my bipolar memoir.
Or finish school.  ha!  Boring.  Why the hell did I think I wanted to be a Psychologist.
I have enough problems...I can't listen to people tell me their problems.
I'd be like, "No girl!  Put down the penis!  Kick that man to the curb!"
And you can't really do that in therapy.
I know because I've been in therapy for over 10 years...ha!

Well I'm going to end this rant now.
I'll update you on my next roadtrip / adventure / craziness.
Peace out.

Crackheads be trippin'

Last night was quite an interesting night.  Ok so since I am poor, I couldn't afford to stay in a nice area.  So the area I'm staying in is not the greatest around the Atlanta area. Case in point:
Last night around 7pm, I ventured out to Walmart.  Well then I saw KFC and made a slight detour.  So I pull up in the Wal-Mart parking lot to eat my chicken and go get some necessities.  I wasn't there 30 seconds when this shady looking dude approaches my car with some kind of manila envelope and a pen.  Which with once glance I assumed he was soliciting something.  He looked like he was from Nigeria or somewhere.  So he was talking but I had my windows rolled up....And I shook my head No.  As in "Get your ass away from my window before I call the Po Po."  Well he walked away and I go back to eating my mac and cheese and biscuit.  And then here comes 3 more people.  One lady with a huge rolling suitcase.  And I started looking around thinking maybe a motel was nearby.  So one of the women comes up to my other window and starts asking for money (through the glass cause I wasn't about to roll down my window).  So I just kinda stare at her for a minute then I said, Oh Hell no...I'm getting outta here! and then I was thinking, "Am I in the hood or what?"  So I pull away and decide  that maybe Kroger is a better choice.
So I get to Kroger and finish my KFC.  I was people watching from my car for about 20 minutes.
I never did see a white person.  Ha!  Which was fine.  Just different to what I'm used to.  It's just different coming from a predominantly white town to a predominantly black town.  But I really like it.  Black people are cool and like Tupac and their trees.  Which I can relate to.  I have never dated a black guy.  But I really want to.  Had sex with a few.  But I digress....
I go into Kroger and get my little cart and start shopping.  I was back by the milk when I heard this voice go....."Psssst."  I turn to my right and this lovely crackhead woman is hiding trying to get my attention.  She then says, "You know you can use food stamps for all dat".  I said, "Excuse Me?"  So she gets all up in my personal space and puts her arm around me and asks me to buy her food stamps because she needed gas money.  I then played dumb and kept asking questions like I was some dumb blond that didn't know anything about food stamps and then finally said, "Isn't that illegal?" which she then preceded to walk away.
Gas in your car, crackhead?  Really?  That would be like me going up in Krispy Kreme and being like, "Hey man, can I have $2 to use the pay phone out here?"  When everyone knows good and well that this fat heffer gonna get her some donuts!
I've been chillin with my roomie and her sister all night and we've had so much fun.  That's another thing about black people - they are so much fun.  They are laid back and chill.  White people always be complainin all the time.  Single black females are strong and independent and don't rely on a man to make them happy.
White women be like,  "omg I gained. 3.7 pounds"  That's why I like my roomie.  She's older and more mature than me.  Just a strong, single, classy, black woman who's got her shit together.
Ok so I had went to my room and my roomie yells, "Beth you have a visitor!"
Apparently some brotha across the street had noticed me and wanted to meet me.  I wish I would have known I was going to meet me a cute brother.  I probably would have changed out of the My Little Pony shirt.and put on bra.  Ha!  But we smoked some ganja and talked for awhile.
Oh that's another thing I love about Georgia.  The weed is awesome!  Much better than in Tennessee.
So then I got bored and decided to put up a new Plenty of Fish profile and it is so refreshing to see different guys on there.  I think I got like 20 messages the first hour.  Only one white guy.  lol.  But then I was thinking....ain't nothin wrong with a brother.  I like having sex with em so why not date one? 
I don't know why I didn't move years ago?
It's awesome going out and just blending in to the city.. 
And I'm pumped about doing comedy.  I met some cool people at The Punchline.
I've always just done it here and there where I worked so much, but now I actually have a chance just to concentrate on it.
So moral of the story is that there are more blacks than whites here, but it's really chill and laid back.  I love it here!  Like seriously love it!  I didn't wanna stay in a ritzy condo and pretend I'm rich when I'm just living off my momma's money.  I feel more comfortable here. 
(And another plus is that black dudes dig fat white chicks, so you should see all the looks I get!....Maybe my dry spell will be over!)
I think I might go to Creflo Dollar's church in the morning.  I've always wanted to go to a mega church!
God is so good!   Thank ya Jesus for always providing and taking care of me!