Feelings Are Not Facts.

WARNING

The following Blog contains subject matter that may offend certain people.  This blog is in no way, shape, or form affiliated or associated with the company I am currently employed by and only expresses my current feelings dealing with my mental illness and the effects of my mental illness that may come off as as an "attitude" to some...in which I have the right to express my current feelings freely in blog form.

 I hate that my mental illness causes me to miss work and feel like there is something wrong with me.  I hate that people in my life are fucking backstabbers and nice to my face but talk about me behind my back.  I hate that I let myself get so upset when I find out people have a problem with me and my "attitude".  I hate that all is fine and hunky dory until someone asks "Are you ok?"
Well I thought I was fucking ok till you ask me if I'm ok as if there is something I'm doing wrong!!!!
I hate that question
"Hey Beth, is everything ok?"
Then I feel like an idiot trying to quickly figure out where the conversation is headed and what I have done wrong.
"Uh...yeah, I'm fine.  Why do you ask?"
Then find out that people have complained about me.
uh well, now I'm not fucking fine.  I'm pissed off and angry and drive my car 90mph just to blow off steam.

Apparently I have an attitude problem.
What fucking attitude?
That's what I keep asking myself.
As Michelle on Full House always said, "I'm a nice gurl."
I had no idea people have a problem with my "attitude".
And I hate that I am racking my brain and trying to recall every interaction with people recently just to try to see what people are interpreting as an attitude.
I'm like Madea in that movie "Madea Goes To Jail"

Everything was fine....or so I thought.
I have been going to work everyday and really making an extra effort because I love my job again and the clients all love me.
And now my coworkers who I thought were my friends are complaining about me???
WHAT THE FUCK!?
I can't win for losing.
I'm over it.
Don't put me under a fucking microscope just because I have had issues in the past.
I'm bipolar, bitches.
I am so proud of myself that I have kept this job for over 2 years.
That's a long time for someone living with a serious mental illness.
I'm tired of the bullshit.
I come to work and do my job.....and now I'm still getting in trouble?
Fuck it.
I don't send an email over everything that my co-workers do wrong
But I'm damn sure gonna start.
At least I do my job and get to work ON TIME.
Do unto others as they have done unto you is my new damn motto.
I'm about to move my happy, "ATTITUDISH" self out of this damn city and say Fuck You to everyone.
Stupid ass bitches be triflin'.
You say I'm crazy?
I got your crazy.