Texts to my ex.

 I"ll tell ya one thing. Just let another man put his hands on me.

I"m on one - ya'll say a prayer for my crazy ass.

Just emailed my ex again. bahahaha.

"Hey old friend,

You really think my 83 year old father can control my actions? bahaha.

And just try to get me for harrassment. I'm doing nothing wrong and you can lick my phat ass.

Fuck you, you ignorant mother fucker.

Write a rap instead of texting my father.

Maybe we can battle rap one day. I know more words so I'd win.

Am I a bitch?! Aww poor baby. Go cry to your mom.

Still praying for you. I have forgiven you but will never forget it. Never.

Think of all of this as Karma. It's a bitch, huh?

Thanks for being my muse.

Love ya,

Big Stank

 I met my ex in 2019 and that's when the verbal abuse started.  I was so in love though that I endured the abuse for 3 years.  

Fast forward to November 2022 and I was in a manic episode.  We had not been intimate in 2 years.  Sleeping in separate bedrooms.

I decided to go to my platonic male friends house on November 27th.  I got home at 3 am.  I didn't think it mattered since he made it clear to me that he didn't want a relationship even though we acted like a couple.  He thought he could control me.  Total narcissist.

I got home at 3:15 am and he gave me the silent treatment for a couple hours.  I was just chilling in the living room listening to music when he came in here and we got into it.  I don't think he believed me that I just went to a friend's house.

Then he gets mad and retreats in his room.

Keep in mind I have bipolar disorder type 1 and he has bipolar type 2 with severe unresolved anger issues.  Also, he's a narcissist, has oppositional defiant disorder, and possibly borderline personality disorder.  He was a felon.  Stabbed a guy once.

I should have seen the red flags but I had love goggles on.

After we argued he came back in the living room .  I was just chilling on the couch.  I could tell he was still mad but he said, "Can I have a hug?"

I opened my arms out to hug him and next thing I know....his hands were around my neck choking me.  Then he put his hands over my mouth and I could not breathe.

He hit me at one point because I had a huge bruise on my upper arm that stayed there for 3 weeks.

We wrestled around in the floor and I finally got away.

I ran to his bedroom and he followed.  We wrestled around some more and then I screamed this tribal scream and I think it scared him back to reality because he was crying and begging me not to call the cops.

He was just in his underwear and ran outside.  

He had knocked my glasses off and took my phone out of my hands so I could not see.  I'm basically blind without glasses.  But I just kept praying to God to let me live and somehow managed to get to the front door and lock him out.  

He called the cops on himself.  I screamed bloody murder out the door before I locked it.  Woke the neighbors because it was 5am.

It was very traumatic.  

Cops came and arrested him.  Took pictures of all my bruises and I had a cut on my face

I've never had a man physically assault me.

I was determined to keep the domestic violence charge on him.  He told me once how he had hit other girlfriends.

But I'm a Christian and started praying about it.  Because I was big time mad at him and mad at the world.

I didn't understand why this happened to me. 

I had been going to church and trying to be good to him, thinking he would change his ways over time.

On February 8th I decided to break the restraining order and email him.

I wanted him to know that I forgave him even though he never apologized.

I felt like God was saying to me since he suffered and died for my sins....that I should forgive a non-believer for their sin against me.

I called the Washington Count Sessions Court that day to see when his next court date was.

It was the next morning, February 9th.

I took that as a sign that I did the right thing.  So I went to court and just wanted to lift the no contact order.  He is a trap music producer and I wanted to pull a Miley Cyrus and rap on one of his beats.

But I guess the prosecutor misunderstood me and thought I wanted to drop the charges.  Keep in mind I was manic and thought God was using me to make a difference in my ex's life.

I signed some paper that I agreed he should have Anger Management classes and now he won't have probation or face jail time. 

I was fine with the decision until I read some of his posts on facebook basically calling me crazy and that he knows I'm losing my $h!t.

Now I'm pissed.

I should have never dropped the charges.

What if he hits another girl?

It will be my fault in a way.

I do stand-up comedy and I've started writing again and plan to get on stage soon.  I sent in an audition for America's Got Talent and also wrote in again to Dr.Phil so I don't know yet how this story ends.

I just thought domestic violence and women being scared and terrified to prosecute their abuser would be a good story.; And I noticed after hearing cases recently in court that alot of women stand by their abuser and don't know how to get out.

I'm glad I got out.  I told my ex I would never kick him out.  And I didn't.

He kicked himself out.

Thanks so much for reading.

Losin My Shit

 My ex said I’m losin my Shit. 🤣 

So I wrote a little ditty, but decided not to buy his beat. 

Found me one on https://wyshmasterbeats.com 😜

Losin My Shit 

I’m losin my shit

Over a mother fuckin bitch 

Textin me after 6 months like u wanna fuck

When you had me and wouldn’t even let me suck?

I don’t ever wanna see your face

You don’t even wanna be your own race

You a little punk ass bitch 

who probably sucks dick

Put your hands on every woman you meet

But you fucked up with me so admit defeat 

Wouldn’t touch you with a 10 foot pole

How you like drivin your mama’s car, troll 

Called me Big Stank like it was a funny joke

Guess who’s laughing now while you at your mama’s house broke

How you gonna say you’re an Alpha male

You a weak ass little bitch that keeps goin to jail!

Alphas are Protectors. Providers. And fuckin Leaders

You ain’t shit. You’re a fuckin woman beater

I dropped the charges because I felt sorry for your ass

And all you did was take a 4 hour Anger Management class?

Think you’re in the fuckin clear 

But imma make sure you reap what you sow, dear

I got a new roommate now

An Alpha who pays me rent. Wow

How you like livin in a shed

While I’m out here laughing and givin head 

You should be thankful I saved your punk ass

But nah you out here free and think you can hide your past

You will get what’s yours in time

I don’t have to make these rhymes 

But sometimes in life you get what you ask for

I didn’t wanna be a rapper but guess that’s what God has in store

Think it’s funny that you a wigga

I’m out here talkin to a whole crew of niggas

I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank

You’ll be crying one day while listening to some Hank

I’m sipping wine

Feeling mighty fine

Ain’t gonna be no man’s wife

Ain’t gonna have no more strife

Thanks for the bruise that lasted for four fucking weeks

I’m smiling now fucker

See ya in the streets. ✌️💯😘

(To be continued…)

 I'm getting out of this damn town.

Tried to move away twice.

Third time's a charm.

I tried to move to Atlanta once.

Performed at The Punchline at an open mic and loved that place even though nobody talked to me.

Ended up in Stone Mountain because I saw an apartment ad on Craigslist.

My roomie Paula dated Tupac in the 90's. I saw pics of them together.

But the apartment had roaches so I had to bounce.

It was an all black neighborhood and we'd have random guys over to smoke weed. ha. Good Times.

Then I tried to move to Nashville once.

Ended up in Smyrna working at Claire's as the Assistant Manager.

I stayed with this old man on a cot in a motel room that you pay by the week.

He was impotent though so he didn't try to make a move on me thank God.

One good thing....in all my spontaneous travels...God always watches over me and protects me from harm. You just don't even know some of the shit I've seen and done. I'm a hot mess. But God loves me. That's all that matters.