Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

I started to write a post about my thoughts on the legalization of same sex marriage, but no one really wants to read my opinion and you can log on to Facebook and see a plethora of opinions and rants and raves.  But I will say this because I have gay friends.  If I were gay I would want to marry the woman I was in love with. It kills me that Christians are throwing out Scriptures like they are going to change people's desires and prove that gay marriage is wrong.  So what if you think it's wrong.  I think wearing socks with sandals is wrong but people do it.
I just wish these Christians that are homophobic would stop yapping and think for a minute:  Do you really think we should say to gay people that their lifestyle is an abomination?  Yes, I know the Bible verses.  I was raised in a Southern Baptist church and participated in Bible Drill where you memorize Scripture and compete with your knowledge of the Bible.  But throwing out verses for gay people to read is not going to change who they love.  Some Christians are quite possibly turning people away from God and the church altogether.  As Christians we should show love to EVERYONE of every color, race, and religion.  I've had heated debates with Atheists that led nowhere.  I've had debates with homophobics that led nowhere.  Everyone has opinions.  But just get over it.  It is what it is.  If a gay couple kissing disgusts you, then look away.  If same sex marriage repulses you, don't attend or watch one.  Many of these over zealous, homophobic Christians are going to be in for a big surprise when they get to Heaven.  I mean seriously people...Do you think only straight people are in Heaven?  Sheesh.  But that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Now on to more important matters.  My sex life.  Or lack thereof.  It's really not an important matter but I have to blog about this.  Mainly because I don't have a therapy appointment until next month and I need to get this off my chest.  ha.
I hadn't had sex in almost 2 years. Until Saturday night.  Last year when I got out of Woodridge, I wanted to get laid so bad just to relieve stress and feel like a normal person.  It almost happened with some dude I met online but it never did.  Then I basically gave up and told myself I would not have sex until I fell in love and was in a relationship.  Well of course that never happened.   Probably because I'm not into the bar/club scene anymore and have removed all my online dating profiles.  And then the lovely depression came over me where I would talk to no one but my cat and the Dominos delivery guy so I never met anyone. So I gave up on having sex and just tried not to think about it and stopped watching anything romantic on TV.  I still haven't seen Fifty Shades of Grey because I would probably log on to "Casual Encounters" on Craigslist after I watched it.  ha.
But isn't your "sexual peak" supposed to be in your 30s?  What's a chronically single girl to do?  Buy a dildo?  It's not the same.  You can't suck on a dildo.  And that's my thing.  Some people like to kiss.  I like to suck dick.
But I digress....the point of all that is to pose a question to my Single friends that might read this blog.  Ok I was raised that you save your virginity for your husband.  The Bible says that.  My grandparents waited until their wedding night.  My parents waited till their wedding night.  My sister waited till her wedding night.  And I was determined to do the same.  But as you know if you read my blog, I didn't.  Oh my - the Pre-Marital sex debates I have heard.  From pastors to my mom to Bible thumping friends.  Yes I fell in love at 21 and had sex.  But then through the years I'll go like 3 years without sex.  Then finally succumb to the horniness.  Then like another 2 years after that.  It's horrible.  I wish I was married so I could have sex every day.  Because let me tell you what happened last night.  I felt like a whore.  Dude (a former fwb) came over, we talked for an hour or so, then went to the bedroom, did the deed, he got off, I did not, and it was done.  A quick cigarette and then the "well sweetheart I gotta go."  Seriously?!?!?!?!  I went to the trouble of getting my va-jay-jay and butt waxed and you don't even go down there OH and after telling me to "make yourself taste good".  I know this is way too much information so feel free to stop reading and I'll probably delete half of the details tomorrow but I'm kinda pissed and this is cathartic.  If I suck your dick, then you should reciprocate.  But me being the "sweetheart" that I am - I wasn't going to be aggressive and say, "Eat my Pussy, Fucker!" and push his head down there.   haha.  Wonder what reaction I would get.  Anyway, I got way off topic.
The question I want to pose to my single friends who are celibate either by choice or in a situation like me is this:  How do you deal with the horniness (other than masturbation)?  Heck far, I could masturbate every day but something is missing. I want a hug.  I want to cuddle.  And caress.  How does a single person deal with lack of affection?  It sucks.  But I know one thing....I'm not doing the booty call anymore.  I thought it would be different.  Hell far at least cuddle with me for one minute.  At least give me time to get off too!  
Anyway, I need to stop writing because it's 5:30 am and I need sleep.
And now I have to rub one out.  Damn you horniness.

I Love Me Some Jesus

I've been on a Jesus kick lately.  I haven't been to church in about a year.  ha.  But I watch Joyce Meyer on TV and also Joel Osteen and sometimes T.D. Jakes and Creflo Dollar.  That Creflo is pretty cool.  He preaches on weed sometimes though and I guess I feel convicted so I don't watch him much...ha.  Since getting fired from the rehab in 2013, I kinda have been a stoner.  I think it's a plant and not a drug.  But still....I think it would be odd if someone asked me about my relationship with God and then they find out I'm kinda a pothead.  But anywho, I digress... I'll save that for my therapist. 

I love church, but I don't like going alone.  My mom is always telling me to go to church to meet a man.  But you don't just walk up to a man after Sunday School and start flirting!  Or go and sit beside some cute guy for the sermon.  I've tried that...and a wife always appears out of nowhere.

I don't know.  I'm content with my chronic singleness for the most part.  I'll be 33 in May.  That sounds so old.  What if I'm 40 and still single sitting at home on a Saturday night with my cat and my weed?  oh my  :-/

I've been listening to more Christian music lately.  I think it's cool that you can worship God at home by belting out your favorite hymns or finding worship music on YouTube.  You can have church at home!  I've always liked Contemporary Christian music.  dC Talk was my very first concert way back in the day.  I can do the whole rap in that song "Jesus Freak".  I used to be a little overzealous about religion. Then in my 20s, I turned away from God for awhile.  I remember I once went to church after snorting cocaine all night.  I know that sounds horrible, but I remember even though I was doing drugs and around shady people, I still searched for God through the highs and lows.  In the lows, it was easier to reach out to God.  But in the highs, it was harder to reach out to Him because of clouded thinking and guilt I guess.  But me and Jesus have a great relationship today.  Since I live alone, we talk a lot. :-)

I'm really getting into that show A.D. The Bible Continues.  It airs Sunday nights on NBC.  I thought it might be boring like so many other realistic Bible shows in the past but it's not.  I'm learning so much too and some stories I remember from Sunday School as a child.  But it has made me want to read my Bible more which is good.  I think we all slack a little in that area.  Except my mom.  She reads the Bible everyday and has a devotion.  She's been doing that her whole life.  She's like a Saint.  I call her Saint Glenda.  ha.  I tried having a devotion in the morning but that lasted like 3 days.  Then I tried to do it at night but I got on a Golden Girls kick and yeah...I admit I'd rather watch TV at night than read my Bible.  I need to work on that.  I need to work on a lot of things. 

I've been thinking how amazing it is that I'm still alive.  God has brought me through so many obstacles.  I wish I had time to list them all.  I want to finish a book I started writing years ago but I'm a procrastinator so that probably won't happen.

I shared some good worship songs on my playlist.  Lauren Daigle is someone new to me.  I found a bunch of her doing covers of Christian songs on YouTube and I love to sing them.  The first one "Lord, I Need You" is special to me.  Matt Maher and Kristian Stanfill originally did the song for a Passion Conference.  It's based on one of my favorite old hymns and I think it's just wonderful.  The song is special to me because I would sing it when I was in the psychiatric hospital with no hope.  I would rock in bed at night and quietly sing it.  Hope you all like it!

I have a lot more to say but I need to do my taxes.  See, I'm a total procrastinator!  ha.

If you know of any cool worship songs or Contemporary Christian songs, please share in the comments.  I love finding new songs to add to my Worship music playlist on YouTube.  Ciao!