Fellatio is fun
Makes me wanna cum
Blow jobs are a dime a dozen
Get one from me you'll be buzzin
A good Christian girl
With a wild streak and listens to Merle
What more could a man want
I do what your girl don't
Hypersexuality's a Bitch
But I need a fix
Can suck a golf ball through a waterhose
Got so much more than those other hoes
Can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
Come on over, bitch
Wastin time writing rhymes about head
Better than getting fed or taking meds
Just give me a taste of that Vitamin D
I'll let you get a hit off this weed
I love to please my gentleman callers
Love to hang with some balllers
Wannabe Rapper, Crazy ass Cracker
Doin' Boss Shit cause you know I'm Dapper
Thursday, October 17, 2019
Monday, October 7, 2019
Hypersexual Days...
I always get manic after sex. every. fucking. time.
It's horrible especially now that I have a full time job. Ugh. Must. Have. a. Shit ton. of. Coffee.
Maybe I should be celibate again. That usually lasts years though and then I get a little promiscous. ha.
I have weird hypersexual thoughts when manic. I don't know how I stayed celibate for so many years at a time. Well I used to think pre-marital sex was wrong and that sex should only be for marriage. Oh how my views have changed. I mean I'm 37 and never been married. I can't wait forever to have sex, Jesus...shit.
I like oral sex a little too much. Ha. Just letting ya know. I don't know why but I just like pleasing men. I get tested and I'm not a hoe...I won't just go down on anyone. ha.
But I don't get why I like it so much. I guess it's just the oral fixation issue I have.
I am really enjoying this Merena birth control IUD thing. I think it's made me even more horny though. I haven't been taking my meds regularly cause I stay up 24 hours alot so maybe that's it. Definetely need to take meds regularly, Beth. Don't want to end up in the psych hospital again.
Well, I need to rub one out and get a couple hours of sleep before work. I'll write more later.
It's horrible especially now that I have a full time job. Ugh. Must. Have. a. Shit ton. of. Coffee.
Maybe I should be celibate again. That usually lasts years though and then I get a little promiscous. ha.
I have weird hypersexual thoughts when manic. I don't know how I stayed celibate for so many years at a time. Well I used to think pre-marital sex was wrong and that sex should only be for marriage. Oh how my views have changed. I mean I'm 37 and never been married. I can't wait forever to have sex, Jesus...shit.
I like oral sex a little too much. Ha. Just letting ya know. I don't know why but I just like pleasing men. I get tested and I'm not a hoe...I won't just go down on anyone. ha.
But I don't get why I like it so much. I guess it's just the oral fixation issue I have.
I am really enjoying this Merena birth control IUD thing. I think it's made me even more horny though. I haven't been taking my meds regularly cause I stay up 24 hours alot so maybe that's it. Definetely need to take meds regularly, Beth. Don't want to end up in the psych hospital again.
Well, I need to rub one out and get a couple hours of sleep before work. I'll write more later.
Thursday, September 19, 2019
♥ Waiting ♥
All this music in my head
Thinkin how am I not dead
Been up 48 hours
No food I have devoured
Realizing God has a plan for my life
But Mo Fos be bringing me strife
This wines got me feeling fine
But how am I supposed to let my light shine
Got dick on my mind
I’m over being kind
One minute I wanna be a rapper
Damn homie, you looking dapper
Black men know how to please
But I'm such a fucking tease
Had sex on the first date
Shoulda made the nigga wait
Was it love at first sight
I think I finally saw the light
Will I scare this one away
I just want to make him stay
He liked me at my lowest point
Damn, now I gotta smoke a joint
Thinkin how am I not dead
Been up 48 hours
No food I have devoured
Realizing God has a plan for my life
But Mo Fos be bringing me strife
This wines got me feeling fine
But how am I supposed to let my light shine
Got dick on my mind
I’m over being kind
One minute I wanna be a rapper
Damn homie, you looking dapper
Black men know how to please
But I'm such a fucking tease
Had sex on the first date
Shoulda made the nigga wait
Was it love at first sight
I think I finally saw the light
Will I scare this one away
I just want to make him stay
He liked me at my lowest point
Damn, now I gotta smoke a joint
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Ready for Love
My mind is racing. Sometimes I hate mania. I just want to sleep. I never drink and had a glass of wine and that made me super horny and fuck. Then my mind starts racing and I try to analyze every past relationship and why they didn't work out. And I'm hyper-sexual and what's a single girl to do? To Be a Hoe or Not. That is the question.
I could get a guy to come over but I'm over friends with benefits. I'm finally at a point in my life that I'm ready to settle down and eventually get married and maybe have a kid or two. I'm 37 and never been married. I've loved many men. Many, many, men. But only a handful have actually loved me I think and only two guys actually said they loved me. But I fuck up relationships so that makes me scared to get in another one. I hate dating. I've done every online dating site there is.
match.com
eHarmony
Christian Mingle
POF
bbwcupid
OkCupid
I mean fuck. I've probably met over 100 men. Lots of first and second dates. Then either depression sets in or I scare them off. I'm very open about me being bipolar. People have told me not to be but they can fuck off. I do what I want. And a man needs to know what he's getting into. It weeds out the weak. I don't want a pussy ass bitch. I need a real man. Who is not afraid to love and actually trusts people. I'm over fuckboys. Sometimes women just want to be held and loved. As much as I love sucking cock, I'd kill for a hug sometimes. Or cuddling. Fuck. my. life.
I need sleep but have to work in a few hours so guess I'm staying up
I could get a guy to come over but I'm over friends with benefits. I'm finally at a point in my life that I'm ready to settle down and eventually get married and maybe have a kid or two. I'm 37 and never been married. I've loved many men. Many, many, men. But only a handful have actually loved me I think and only two guys actually said they loved me. But I fuck up relationships so that makes me scared to get in another one. I hate dating. I've done every online dating site there is.
match.com
eHarmony
Christian Mingle
POF
bbwcupid
OkCupid
I mean fuck. I've probably met over 100 men. Lots of first and second dates. Then either depression sets in or I scare them off. I'm very open about me being bipolar. People have told me not to be but they can fuck off. I do what I want. And a man needs to know what he's getting into. It weeds out the weak. I don't want a pussy ass bitch. I need a real man. Who is not afraid to love and actually trusts people. I'm over fuckboys. Sometimes women just want to be held and loved. As much as I love sucking cock, I'd kill for a hug sometimes. Or cuddling. Fuck. my. life.
I need sleep but have to work in a few hours so guess I'm staying up
Monday, September 16, 2019
Mister Molester
I'm really glad I reported my molestation to the police 2 years ago. It
was right before the Me Too Movement. Perfect timing.
A lady cop came over and sat on my couch and listened to the whole story and even though it had been too many years for him to get in trouble with the law, I felt a weight lifted and like I wasn't ashamed of it anymore.
I pray for him these days. If he did it to me, then I'm sure he's done it to others.
Men, just because a woman comes over and passes out drunk on your couch doesn't give you the right to touch her and certainly not pull down her pants and try to please her. Seems like common sense but men are pigs. Well, there's a few good ones left. But that shit fucks us women up. Especially if we have mental issues already. Fuck
A lady cop came over and sat on my couch and listened to the whole story and even though it had been too many years for him to get in trouble with the law, I felt a weight lifted and like I wasn't ashamed of it anymore.
I pray for him these days. If he did it to me, then I'm sure he's done it to others.
Men, just because a woman comes over and passes out drunk on your couch doesn't give you the right to touch her and certainly not pull down her pants and try to please her. Seems like common sense but men are pigs. Well, there's a few good ones left. But that shit fucks us women up. Especially if we have mental issues already. Fuck
Bipolar and Celebrities
I wish more celebrities would follow my fellow bipolar sistas Demi
Lovato and Bebe Rexha and would be more open about their mental health
struggles. Like Britney Spears. We all know she's bipolar. Hell far,
once I about shaved my head too. And the umbrella incident....you could
just tell by the look on her face she had reached psychosis. I once
tackled my friend for really no reason and acted crazy. Then another
time I ended up in a straight jacket. Psychosis is being out of touch with reality. But you remember what you did when your moods finally level out.
I pray I'm never psychotic again. I take an anti-psychotic so I'm
praying it keeps me out of good ol' Woodridge. I love this mania right
now though. I don't think I'm full blown manic. Just hypomania. But
it's like it's better than the high you get from any drug. And you don't
want to come down. It's an amazing feeling that you want to last
forever....
I love Euphoria. Loathe Depression
I love euphoria. Loathe depression.
Sleep is needed. But I have questions.
Questions that need answered
Stories that need to be told
I keep reading His Word
but then I don't want to be bold.
Why is God so far away
When you need him the most
I feel crazy in the head
But also want to boast
I scare all men away
No wonder I'm still single
Wanna settle down
Tired of all the minglin'
Want a Christian man
With a slight wild streak
I hope he doesn't find out.
That I am a freak.
-Andrea Beth Smith
9-16-19
Sleep is needed. But I have questions.
Questions that need answered
Stories that need to be told
I keep reading His Word
but then I don't want to be bold.
Why is God so far away
When you need him the most
I feel crazy in the head
But also want to boast
I scare all men away
No wonder I'm still single
Wanna settle down
Tired of all the minglin'
Want a Christian man
With a slight wild streak
I hope he doesn't find out.
That I am a freak.
-Andrea Beth Smith
9-16-19
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Love or Mania?
It's been 10 years since I've had a man. Like a boyfriend. And I
thought I might be sick of him by now because I'm so used to being a
loner but I'm really likin' it. But me and my mania have always had
issues with the giddy shit taking over and then comes hypomania and then
mania or is it love like what the fuck is it. If I ever finish those 3
semesters then get my Masters (which I don't see happening since it's
taken over 18 years to get my Bachelors and I think you have
to complete your Masters in 2) I want to write my thesis on Mania and
Love. No wonder I've scared so many men off, like I get it. That's why
now that I got a man that's almost as crazy as me, I...what
the fuck I was watching SNL...this is what I'm talking about. When you
see someone like everyday they get in your head and then you listen to
love songs and look at sexual memes. Y'all pray I get in with my new
psychiatrist soon and stay the fuck away from Woodridge. haha. I can't
even focus enough to watch tv. #slightlybipolar
Well, I wrote that last May when I had a boyfriend for a brief 2 months. I swear I don't get why I can't do relationships sometimes. I was really sad...almost devastated...when that relationship ended but I thought I'd bounce back fast and get on with life. I didn't know it would send me to a really dark place and a crippling depression for months. I am feeling much better though but really should get back into seeing a therapist.
I start seeing a personal trainer today. I'm so fat it's not even funny anymore. I can't believe I went from 160lbs to in the 300's. That's disgusting to me. I used to be so active. Now I just want to sit around all the time. I hope he starts me out slow though cause I can't handle like a vigourous workout right now...I'm just too big and it affects my breathing. I need to quit smoking so much. Not weed. Just cigs. I have an oral fixation though and always need to be eating or smoking or chomping on something.
I'm gonna try to start blogging more and using this to vent like I would to a therapist. It helps my mental illness. Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more to come soon!
Well, I wrote that last May when I had a boyfriend for a brief 2 months. I swear I don't get why I can't do relationships sometimes. I was really sad...almost devastated...when that relationship ended but I thought I'd bounce back fast and get on with life. I didn't know it would send me to a really dark place and a crippling depression for months. I am feeling much better though but really should get back into seeing a therapist.
I start seeing a personal trainer today. I'm so fat it's not even funny anymore. I can't believe I went from 160lbs to in the 300's. That's disgusting to me. I used to be so active. Now I just want to sit around all the time. I hope he starts me out slow though cause I can't handle like a vigourous workout right now...I'm just too big and it affects my breathing. I need to quit smoking so much. Not weed. Just cigs. I have an oral fixation though and always need to be eating or smoking or chomping on something.
I'm gonna try to start blogging more and using this to vent like I would to a therapist. It helps my mental illness. Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more to come soon!
Monday, September 9, 2019
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)